(Re)Claim Your Power
You are a woman -- beautiful, strong, and immensely valuable. Slay.
I worry about my female colleagues, family members, and friends—particularly those who are under the age of 30.
Women are under attack in this country. In many states, we can no longer make decisions about our own bodies. Our accomplishments are being erased from history.
Even the word “woman” is banned—along with 250 other words that are too “woke” for federal websites, research studies, and school curricula.
The definition of “woman” is “an adult female human being,” y’all. That’s it.
What does this say to a generation of women who are just now hitting the workforce, when the word that describes our very existence is banned?
“You have no power” is what it says. (Oh wait, was that a rhetorical question?)
Which in some ways is not new. Women have always faced a double-bind in the workplace. We are too nice, or not nice enough.
We’re perceived as “competent but not likeable” if we talk about our achievements, but “likeable but not competent” if we don’t.1
We are paid less if we don’t negotiate, but penalized when we do.
Enough is enough.
We may not be able to control everything happening around us but we can stop ceding power in the workplace. We can stop complying in advance. Here’s how:
Decide what’s important to you. Don’t let anyone else dictate what you want. You may want a high-profile and high-pressure job, and that’s great. But don’t slog away at one just because you think that’s what you should do. You do you. (For a great read on this subject, check out Kristin Vincent’s recent post on quitting her 25-year tech career for new possibilities).
Set boundaries. When I joined Amazon I was told the company would take every ounce of time I was willing to give—24x7x365 if I let it. It was up to me to set boundaries. I struggled with this at first but over the last 4 years, I’ve learned to say no … and you can too. Prioritize yourself and your health—the work will still be there when you return from the gym, dinner, or vacation.
Pursue outside interests. Who are you outside of work? What do you do for fun? I sometimes struggle to answer these questions, and you may too. Work does not define you—it is what you do to make money, not who you are. (This mantra also helps with reorganizations, layoffs, and other job-related changes.) Find what fuels your passion—especially outside of the office—and do more of that.
Ask for what you want. Ask for everything you want. I coached a colleague recently who wanted to ask their manager for “help with tuition” for a job-related degree program. Don’t pre-negotiate with yourself and ask for the minimum. Start with your fullest and most audacious ask, make your business case, and negotiate from there. You might be surprised by what your employer is willing and able to do.
Take up space. As women we’re often expected to sit quietly on the sidelines, to not make waves. F**k that. Men talking over you in a meeting? Take a page from our former vice president and say “excuse me, I’m speaking.” Find yourself in a packed meeting room? Pull a chair up to the main table and make them make room for you, rather than sitting on the sidelines.
As women, we are beautiful, we are strong, and we are immensely valuable.
So let’s go out there and reclaim our power—for ourselves, and for all women.
Note: While I wrote this post as a woman, for women, I recognize that LGBTQ+ folks, men and women of color, and people who are transgender, immigrants, Indigenous, Jewish, or coming from other marginalized communities are also experiencing similar attacks and erasure in the US and in some cases, globally. I hope that you will also find ways to (re)claim your power through it, and, I would love to hear from you if there are strategies for reclaiming power that are unique to your community—please share in the comments below!
Bonus Content: Both of these songs came to mind as I wrote this post. Enjoy.
How To Brag Without The Backlash, Forbes, Aug 2023