I Am Not Okay
How do you lead others when you are not okay yourself?
I am not okay.
I was not okay in 2016 when North Carolina passed its bathroom bill, or in 2020 when George Floyd was senselessly murdered.
I was not okay last year when five members of my team were unexpectedly laid off in April, or when Hamas attacked innocent Israeli citizens on October 7.
I was not okay on Monday when I heard that a co-worker suddenly died over the weekend, only a couple of months after another colleague also passed away without warning.
And I am definitely not okay today.
Neither are some (many?) of my colleagues, friends, and team members.
As a manager, I’ve navigated these events—and many others like them—over the past 8 years not only as a citizen, a partner, and a co-worker, but also as a people leader.
But how do you lead others through a crisis when you yourself are not okay?
The simple answer is—you just do.
You lead with empathy and authenticity. You acknowledge the pain and fear that your team is feeling … that you’re feeling.
You cry if you need to, and in doing so, you create the space for your team members to express their feelings, too.
You tell your team to take care of themselves, and each other. You remind them that what’s important in these moments is to take the time and space to grieve, to process, to just be.
You insist that work can wait (it really, truly can … it’s not going anywhere). Some things are more important than work.
A good friend texted this morning,
“It’s tough to be strong when your own heart is breaking.”
Strength in these moments doesn’t require us to hide that our heart is breaking.
Rather, strength is in sharing our heartbreak with our team—leaning into our vulnerability in the hope that we can all get through this, together.
Stay strong, my friends. ❤️
I’m going to follow my own advice and take the next few days to process, grieve, and focus on my own well being. I encourage you all to do the same. As this is not a usual week, I will not publish my usual Sunday post—this will be my post for the week. I will return with a new post on Sunday, Nov. 17.
Oh, I so hear you. It’s been a heartbreaking , nerve wracking week in so many ways. I don’t think many of us know where we’re going from here and we need some time to figure it out. Sending positive vibes.
My leader reached out to me late last night offering the space for me to grieve. I did the same with my team. Creating space. Control what we can and breathe through what we can’t.