Feedback Is A Gift
How to create an environment where feedback can be received
You hear it often in the halls of corporate America: ”feedback is a gift.” But does anyone really mean it, and what sort of gift are we even talking about?
Is it a fabulously decorated dessert to top off an amazing meal, or vegetables your mom made you eat because “you’ll thank me later for your health” sort of gift?
I think we all know which one it is.
No one likes to be told that their pet project isn’t cutting it, that their team could do better, or that they themselves have room to improve.
Even if we know it’s true.
‘Tis better to give than to receive?
As difficult as it is for many of us to receive feedback, it can be even more difficult for many leaders to give. We don’t know how to broach the subject. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. We want to avoid conflict.
Or, we’ve tried to give feedback and it wasn’t well-received.
I had a colleague reach out recently where this was the case—they provided feedback and their employee felt under attack. A “hatchet job,” they said. My colleague wanted to know how they could improve their feedback to avoid this situation in the future.
As leaders, there are absolutely things we can do to create a safe environment for sharing and receiving feedback.
At the end of the day, feedback is a two-participant sport—no matter how well you deliver feedback, the recipient has to be open to hearing it.
Creating the right conditions
Create the right conditions for feedback, however, and you have a better chance of it being heard. Here are a few things you can do:
Build a foundation of trust. Everything starts with trust. Without it, there’s no way your employee will be able to hear your feedback, and in fact, feedback provided without trust may actually make the situation worse. Work on building a psychologically safe and trusting environment, first. The rest will follow.
Ask if they’re open to receiving feedback. For example, “I have some thoughts about [topic], are you open to hearing them right now?” Not all feedback needs to be shared immediately. Recognize that your employee might not be in the right headspace to hear feedback, no matter how well-intended and constructive it is.
Be vulnerable. Pointing out how someone can improve their writing is not the same as telling them they’re showing up poorly at work. Approach tough feedback with empathy and vulnerability. Share how you’ve struggled with the same or a similar challenge, if you can. You want your employee to know that while improvement is needed, we’re all imperfect humans with room to grow.
Be clear and direct, but kind. I’ve worked with managers who fear being unkind, so they tiptoe around a subject and soften their approach to the point that the employee isn’t even aware they’re receiving feedback. While delivering feedback with kindness is essential, your first job is to ensure your employee clearly understands the issue at hand and the action you’re asking them to take.
Deliver just the right amount. Too much or too frequent feedback can make someone feel like they can’t do anything right, but too little feedback isn’t great, either—it can make each (rare) instance feel weightier and more stress-inducing than it needs to be. Work to create a regular cadence for feedback that normalizes a culture of self-reflection, improvement, and growth.
Frame feedback as growth, not a deficit. I recently provided feedback to a colleague with perfectionist tendencies, only to watch their shoulders slump and a sense of failure sweep across their face. It was heartbreaking to see. I reassured my colleague that the feedback was intended to help them take their already strong performance to the next level, not correct a deficit. This reframing helped change their body language—and their receptivity.
Don’t make assumptions about the reaction you receive. People process information in different ways and in their own time. Some folks may push back on the feedback, some may appear to accept it, and some may go radio silent—and none of these reactions is a good indicator of what will come next. The person who says “thanks for the feedback” may do nothing with it, while someone who initially appears resistant may need time to process and incorporate what they’re heard.
We don’t always know if and how feedback will land, and the impact it will have on those we’ve provided it to.
I recently took a call from an employee I helped move into another role a couple of years ago. They are now thriving and wanted to say thanks for asking them tough questions, pushing them, and … for providing them with some feedback that they continue to draw on today.
They had a clear memory of the specific feedback I had given them, and the place and time I gave it. I’d completely forgotten about it, until that moment.
Offered thoughtfully, feedback is indeed a gift we as leaders can give to our teams—a gift that may keep on giving long after it’s received.
Bonus read: The need for continued constructive feedback often coincides with performance issues. This post offers tips for managing under-performers:
If you’ve enjoyed this article, please subscribe to support my work—it’s free! If you’re already a subscriber, please share this article with a friend who might enjoy it.